My Birth Story

I was due September 8th and was convinced I would go over my due date. I was fully prepared to go to 42 weeks. My due date was my dad’s birthday so I told him we will definitely be over for your birthday. On the 4th I went to bed just like normal, no signs of labor. At 2:30am I woke up needing to pee, as was usual at this point. When I wiped there was blood so my first thought was “yay! Is labor starting? Is this my bloody show?” But when I wiped again I realized it was way too much blood, like period amount. I called for Ash and was still pretty calm but started to think it was probably my placenta. I don’t remember who called who but we called my parents, my midwife, and my doula. Before I even finished telling my midwife that I was bleeding she told me to go to the hospital and she would meet us there. I didn’t tell Ash that I thought my placenta ruptured because I thought it would freak him out more. We had our hospital bags mostly packed but there were a few things we still didn’t have in there. He started to gather those things and I was starting to feel more scared and told him to just leave them and we need to go now! The hospital was about 15 minutes away and I remember saying the whole time “I don’t feel him moving, he’s not moving.”

Trying to walk this baby out at 39 weeks.

We got to the hospital and labor and delivery knew we were coming. We went in through the ER and they asked if I could walk or did I need a wheelchair? I was a bit panicked at this point and I said “I can walk but I am bleeding a lot and I don’t feel him moving.” They quickly got me a wheelchair and we went up to L&D. They got us into a triage room and got him on the monitors and I felt a little reassured because they got his heartbeat and it sounded good. I learned later that the nurse was shaking putting in my IV because she was so nervous for me because I kept saying that I hadn’t felt him move since I woke up. 

There was a flurry of activity of getting me and Bodhi on the monitors and getting my blood and an IV. I could feel big gushes of blood this whole time as well. Poor Ash was sitting in the corner not really knowing what was happening and texting with my parents, doula, and midwife. Ash was texting my midwife, Megan, a play by play of everything that was happening. Megan was on her way in and the on call midwife from the practice was there in the room with me. I hadn’t met her before but she was calm and reassuring. Because his heartbeat was stable I knew best case scenario was I was already somewhat dilated and would be able to be induced but more likely that I would be going back for a c section. 

Several OB’s came in a talked with me and asked me a bunch of questions. The midwife checked me and I wasn’t dilated at all. 0cm, not thinned or effaced or anything. Megan got there and I felt such relief to see her. She came and sat next to me and held my hand and confirmed that my placenta had ruptured and that there was a specific contraction pattern that indicted that even though I could not feel the contractions. She said that a c section is really the best choice, if I had been dilated at all we could discuss an induction but she really didn’t believe that was a safe option. I really trust her and appreciated that this quick discussion happened where I knew that if an induction was safe that option was on the table. I, of course, agreed to the cesarean. This had all happened really quickly. The OB came in and asked me if I had any questions about the surgery. 

I was wheeled back to the OR. I am so grateful for my birth team. My midwife was able to come back with me while I was being prepped and the on call midwife was able to stay with Ash until he could come back. At this point my adrenaline, fear, anxiety, all of the things were rushing, so I don’t know what I said but I know I was making jokes because that’s my favorite coping method. Megan sat in front of me while I got my epidural placed which felt so weird. I then was laid down and she sat next to my head until Ash was allowed in. She took my phone to take pictures and asked if I wanted music and put on Stevie Nicks for me. Ash had come in at this point. It all became a bit of a blur at this point because everything happened quickly, I felt a little loopy from adrenaline and the epidural and a medication they gave me to help with nausea because I had started throwing up. But Rhiannon was playing and I felt some tugging and pulling and I heard Bodhi cry and he was born at 5:18am.

Started screaming immediately! He let us know he was here!!

I was crying and couldn’t believe he was here. Love the look of love in Ash’s eyes.

I was overwhelmed with emotions at that point. I think I started crying and told Megan to turn off the music because it was just too much. I saw him go over to the warmed and told Ash to go with him and Megan came back over to sit with me. He came over to me pretty quickly and I remember saying to him “I feel a little crazy from everything. You are so brave. I am sorry you  had to go through that.”  I couldn’t really hold him because I was shaking and still loopy but Ash held him next to my face. Stitching up felt like it lasted forever. It wasn’t painful because of course I am numb but it felt so weird and just made me feel more sick. I know at one point I asked them how much longer it would be? And they told me what they were doing and I told them “it’s fine, take your time, I appreciate you doing a good job, just wondering.” Lol and I also remember saying at one point “This is insane, like I can’t believe people do this all time, I can’t believe people choose this, not because I am judging them but because this is crazy! People do this all the time. That’s insane.” 

Telling him how brave he is.

While I was being stitched up, my mom called, and I told Megan she could answer it so she went out of the OR and told my mom what was going on. Bodhi looked good but had a pretty bad tongue tie and I learned later that he had passed meconium as he was being pulled out which is a sign of distress. I feel so grateful we got to the hospital when we did and don’t even want to think about if I hadn’t woken up when I did. 

Once we got to my postpartum room they tried to sit me up and see if Bodhi wanted to nurse but I was not reacted well to something in the epidural and felt super drunk, the room was spinning and I said I was going to be sick but I threw up all over the floor before anybody could get me something. Everybody was great though and got it cleaned up and kept telling me it was ok. My doula was there at that point because we told her to just wait to come until I was in recovery and so glad we did because she was able to help me, while I was so sick and Ash with Bodhi. So that whole first day I spent horizontal. Ash was thrown head first into diaper changes with all of the meconium diapers. Because of the tongue tie and not being able to sit up without being sick breastfeeding was awful the first day. Bodhi didn’t really get anything and also managed to destroy my nipples in one day. I was able to pump some and we syringe fed him colostrum. Thankfully the next day I felt much better and was able to sit up and at some point that day we got me up and out of bed.

Bodhi’s birth was nothing I would have imagined happened and I thought I had mentally prepared myself for every scenario. We don’t know why my placenta ruptured. But I feel so grateful for my chosen support team and all those added to it during the time in the hospital. They truly made what was a scary situation and could have been a traumatic situation so much better. I am still processing the whole thing, to be honest, but that is Bodhi’s story. 

I will share more of our postpartum story later but 8 months out and we are all doing amazing!

Now at 8 months old.